Take Up the Cross

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
— 1 Peter 1:3

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
— James 3:17

If ye know that he is righteous, ye know that every one that doeth righteousness is born of him.
— 1 John 2:29

Yet the LORD hath not given you an heart to perceive, and eyes to see, and ears to hear, unto this day.
— Deuteronomy 29:4

Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever. For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away: But the word of the Lord endureth for ever. And this is the word which by the gospel is preached unto you.
— 1 Peter 1:23-25

An Observation or Knowledge of Those Several Steps Whereby the Spirit of God Reneweth Others’ Souls, and a Pliable Carriage and Submissions to its Workings and Motions in Thine Own Soul, by George Swinnock. The following contains an excerpt from Chapter Seventeen of his work, “The Door of Salvation Opened by the Key of Regeneration: or A Treatise Containing the Nature, Necessity, Marks and Means of Regeneration; as Also the Duty of the Regenerate.”

London, 1660.

Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.
— John 3:3

The second help to regeneration.

An observation or knowledge of those several steps whereby the Spirit of God reneweth others souls, and a pliable carriage and submissions to its workings and motions in thine own soul.

The Spirit of God convinceth the sinner of four things.

First, the Spirit convinceth him of his great and innumerable corruptions. The man before knew in the general, that all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God, and would confess himself a sinner formally, and slightly; but now he feels himself a sinner, and finds experimentally that he is a polluted poisoned creature. The Spirit of God holdeth the glass of the law, before the eyes of his soul, and makes him whether he will or no, see what dirt and deformity is in the face of his heart and life. Without the law there is no transgression, and without the knowledge of the law there will be no conviction. As one of the persecutors in the days of Queen Mary, searching an house for a Protestant, askd an old woman in the house, Where is the Heretick? she points to a Chest of linnen, upon which stood a lookingglass, and bid him look there and he should see him; he lookt there, and still asked Where is he? She meant that he himself was the Heretick, and in the glass he might see himself. So before the Holy Ghost came to convince this sinner, if the minister at any time had preached against pride, unbelief, carnal-mindedness, hypocrisie, and the like his voice was, Where are these men? Surely the Minister meets with such and such in his Sermon; but now the spirit in his conscience speaketh to him, what Nathan did to David, Thou art the man. Thou art the proud, carnal, hypocritical, cursed sinner, which the word of God meaneth, & the man cannot deny it. The Holy Ghost puls off his rags, and plaisters, and makes him see all his nakedness and sores; it lanceth his wounds before his eyes, and now he beholdeth the venemous matter and corruption which is in them, that he little thought of before.

Formerly he esteemd himself to be sound, comparing himself with them that were worse, or not minding the inward meaning and extent of the law of God; but now by the law the spirit brings him to the knowledge of sin, Rom. 7.7. It sheweth him the depravation of his nature, how full it is of pollution, even as full as ever toad was of poison; how empty it is of all good, nay what an enemy it is to God and godliness; it sheweth him the abominations of his heart, how the imaginat ons and thoughts of his heart have been evil, onely evil, and that continually; the provocations of his life, how full that hath been of lusts and sins, even as the firmament of stars; it sheweth him the evil of his thoughts, of his words, of his deeds, his omissions in his closet, in his family; his commissions abroad, at home; it sheweth him his idolatry, in setting up Self as his God, in bowing down to it, and worshiping it, his adultery in going a whoring after the creatures, loving, fearing, and trusting them more then the creatour who is blessed for ever. It sheweth him how he hath dishonoured the name of God, grieved the spirit of God, undervalued the Son of God, violated every command of God; how he hath sinned against the first command in not worshipping and glorifying God as the only true God, and as his God, and in giving that honour to others, which is due to him alone; against the second, in not worshiping God, according to the word, but according to the traditions of others, or his own inventions; against the third, in not reverencing the name, word and works of God; against the fourth in not sanctifying the Sabbath to Gods service, but prophaning it, either by idleness or worldly labours, or omission of duties, and ordinances; against the fifth, in not carrying himself according to his duty, towards them that are above him, equal to him, or below him. Against the sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth, in wronging his neighbours, either in regard of life, chastity, goods, name, relations, either in thoughts, words or actions.

It sheweth him the darkness of his understanding, the stubbornness of his will, the disorderedness of his affections, the hardness of his hea•t, the searedness of his conscience, the mis-improvement of his outward parts, how his eyes have beheld vanity, his ears been open to iniquity, all his senses been through-fares to sin, all the members of his body instruments of unrighteousness, how from the crown of the head to the soals of his feet there is no sound part in him, nothing but wounds, bruises, and putrified sores.

It is not one or two sins that trouble this sinner, but innumerable evils compass him about; whole swarms of these Bees flie in his face and sting his conscience; it may be one sin did first set upon him, some sin against the light which God had given him; and now that creditor hath cast him into prison, all the rest come and clap their actions upon him to keep him there; his sins in his dealings with men, in his duties to God, his sins against seasonable corrections, against merciful dispensations, his sins against the motions of Gods Spirit, against the conviction of his own spirit, against light, love, purposes, promises, they all compass the sinner round that he cannot escape; now he sees the ugly loathsomness of all his lusts, how they are against an infinite God, against a righteous Law, against a precious soul, how by reason of them he is wholly unlike God, and become the very picture of the Devil; and truly now he is far from having those flattering thoughts of himself, and favourable thoughts of his sins which formerly he had; for sins part, tis abounding, polluting, poisonous, sinful sin; He seeth the wrinckles of this Jezabels face under her paint, and O how ugly is she in his eyes; and for himself, he is more out of love, then ever he was in love with himself. Some say after they have had the Small-pox that they come to see themselves in a glass, they look so ugly by reason of their spots that they cannot endure to see themselves: Truly this poor sinner beholding himself in the glass of the Law, and viewing those hellish spots of sin all over his soul and body, he abhorreth himself in dust and ashes.

This is the first thing the Spirit convinceth the soul of, and that is sin; When he is come he shall convince the world of sin, Joh. 16.8. God never cured a spiritual Leper but he caused him to fall down first and cry out, unclean, unclean.

Secondly, The Spirit convinceth him of his miserable and dreadful condition. Now the commandments of God come to the soul, sin reviveth, and the sinner dieth. He thought before that he was whole, a sound man, to have little need of a Physician, but now he both seeth his sores, and feeleth his wounds.

Ministers before had frequently told him of his dangerous damnable estate, but he had a shield to keep off all their darts; He was not so bad as they took him to be; somewhat they must say for their money; and besides though he were as bad as such precise censorious Preachers would make him to be, yet God was a merciful God, and Jesus Christ died for sinners, and he hoped to be saved as well as the best of them; but now God comes to him as he did to Adam after his fall, Adam, where art thou? Hast thou eaten of the tree of which I said unto thee thou shalt not eat? Sinner where art thou? Dost thou know what thou art doing, and whether thou art going? how darest thou prophane my day, blaspheme my name, scoff at my people, neglect my worship, cast my Laws behinde thy back, and hate to be reformed? Darest thou provoke the Lord to anger? art thou stronger then he? how will thine heart endure, or thine hands be strong in the day that I shall deal with thee? Dost not know, poor dry stubble, that ’tis a fearful thing to fall into my hands? for I am a consuming fire. Now the sinner heareth the voice of God, and is afraid: Alas, alas, thinks he, I am a dead, a damned man; the Almighty God is angry; the weight of my sins at present is heavy, but the sufferings which I am every moment liable to are infinite and eternal. O that I should ever be born to do as I have done! Now the lightnings of divine fury flash in his eyes, and the canons of the Laws curses thunder in his ears; he seeth a sharp sword of pure wrath hanging by a slender thread of life over his head; he feeleth the stingings of his sins, those fiery serpents at his heart. There is no rest in his flesh because of Gods anger, nor quietness in his bones because of his sins; the arrows of the Almighty are within him, and the poison thereof drinks up his spirit; the waves and billows of God go over his soul, and he sinketh in deep waters; God writeth bitter things against him, and makes him to possess the sins of his youth: Now the man is calmed, he will hear what God speaketh: before, though God himself had told him out of his word what a wicked wretched man he was, he would not minde it, but storm and rage at it; he was like a wilde Ass snuffing up the wind, and as an untam’d heifer impatient of the yoke; he would kick and fling like a mad man, What he give credit to the doctrine, and submit to the severe discipline of a few whimsical Puritans, that must be wiser then all their neighbors! no not he, though they shewed him the very hand of God in Scripture to those warrants which they desired him to obey. But now he is of another mind, for the Law hath shut him up under sin and guilt, Gal. 3.22. The Law hath pent him in, and shut him up that he cannot possibly get out: As Lions, Bears and wilde beasts are tamed by being shut up, and kept in, so the Law causeth wrath, Rom. 4.15. shuts the sinner up under it, and keeps him in, that his former starting holes cannot help him, and thereby tames him.

While he was unconvinced of his sins and misery, his conscience was seared, not troubled at all the threatnings which were denounced against him; but now his conscience is sore, touch it which way you will you put him to pain; tell him under this conviction, of his drunkenness, or swearing, or atheism, or eagerness after this world, & heartlesness about the things of the other world, his neglecting God in secret, of not instructing and praying with his family, tell him how cold and customary he was in his devotion, saying to others that they took more pains for heaven then they needed to do, of his justifying himself in his transgressions, and taking part with Satan against his own soul; he crieth Guilty, Guilty, when such Bills of indictment are read against him; but every word in them is a deep wound to him; the wolf in the brest, and worms in the belly do not cause half that pain which his wickedness doth by gnawing in his conscience. Tell him of the Gospel, how infinitely merciful God is, and how inconceivably meritorious Christ is, and how freely the glad tidings of the Gospel are offered to all; O this toucheth him to the quick, the sword of the Gospel cuts him more to the heart then the sword of the Law. O, saith he, This, this is my death, were it not for this I should have some hopes of life; but alas, I have abused mercy, which is the only friend I have left; I have despised Christ, and neglected the great salvation which was tendred to me in the Gospel; Vile creature that I am, Mercy, Love and Grace came many a time woing me! how did Jesus Christ himself with pardon and life come beseeching me, begging of me to open my heart and let him in, and yet cursed wretch that I was, I denied him! when the world could lie warm in my bosom all night, and sin get a good room in my soul, yet my Saviour must stand without, and not be thought worthy to be let in! I have most unworthily spurned against his bowels of compassion, scorned his sweetest and most affectionate perswasions, most desperately refused the only means of my recovery; and therefore I, what shall I do? whether shall I go? If one man sin against another, the judge shall judge him; * 1.5 but if a man sin against the Lord, who shall entreat for him? If I had sinned only against my Creator, my Redeemer might have satisfied for me, but I, wretched I, have sinned against my Redeemer, and therefore who shall intreat for me? O the frights and fears, the horrors and terrors which this poor creature suffereth under the sight and sence of his sins and guilt; but the fore-thoughts of an everlasting miscarriage in the other world sinks him quite down, that he is able to hold up no longer. Thus the Spirit first plougheth up the fallow-ground of the heart, before he casteth into it the seed of grace; he first captivates the sinner, and brings him into a spiritual dungeon, under chains of guilt and horror, that the very irons enter into his soul before he proclaimeth liberty to the captive, * 1.6 and the opening of the prison to them that are bound: Some indeed are brought lower then others with legal terror; but surely, not a few have sailed to Heaven by the very gates of Hell. God is resolved that men shall feel sin either here or hereafter.

Thirdly, The Spirit convinceth him of the impotency and weakness of all the things in the world to help him; that in the whole garden of Nature there is never an herb which can make a salve to heal his wounded conscience. Now the sinner is scorched with the heat of Gods wrath, he is like a man in a burning feaver, full of pain, and he tumbleth and tosseth from one side of the bed to the other, trying and hoping for ease; he goeth to this carnal comfort, or that humane help to have his pain abated, and his sores cured, but none of them will do; as fast as he claps on those carnal plaisters, the Spirit causeth his conscience to rub them off.

It may be first the man useth forreign drugs; he being troubled in conscience, goeth with Cain to the building of Cities, to earthly imployments, that the noise of the hammers might drown the voice of conscience; that his minde and body being occupied about other things, conscience might have no time nor leasure to proceed in preaching its cutting Lectures; or else like Saul, he runneth to his musick, to carnal contentments, to merry meetings, jovial companions, his preferment or pleasures in the world, or some carnal diversion, if it be possible to turn the water of his thoughts into another channel, and so to keep that mill from going which makes such a clacking dreadful noise in his ears, and threatneth to grind him to powder. Thus sinfully foolish is man; as soon as ever a fire is kindled in his soul, which would aspire to heaven, he runneth with his buckets to earthly springs, and fetcheth water thence to quench it; the throws of the new birth do no sooner come upon him, but he, like some simple women, takes cooling things, which cause his labour to go back again. But the Holy Ghost (for I am now speaking of one in whom the Spirit goeth through with the work) makes all these things empty to him; the vertue of those poor cordials is soon spent, and now the man is as sick as before. Conscience for all these interruptions, still followeth him with its Hue and Cry by a warrant from Heaven, for the breach of Gods Statutes, that the sinner can house nowhere in any of these worldly comforts, but conscience is at his heels, raising the Town upon him, and giveth him no rest; the man finds this physick but like hot water to one in a cold fit of an ague, which warms a little at present, but makes his hot fit the more violent.

When the sinner findes that his exotical drugs will not cure him, he will try in the next place Kitchin physick, he will be his own both Doctor and Apothecary; he hopeth that his praying and grieving, and trouble of minde, and resolution to be better, will satisfie Gods justice, and pacifie his own conscience, and heal it throughly. O how the man endeavors to lick himself whole! man is a proud creature, unwilling to beg or borrow of his neighbors, very solicitous rather to make a poor shift with what he hath of his own. The Mariners will row hard in a storm to get to shore by their own power, before they will awake Jesus with Save us Master, or we perish.

But the Spirit convinceth him of the insufficiency of all his prayers, and tears, and duties to appease God, or satisfie his Law; the Spirit sheweth him the narrowness and shortness of all his rags, how they cannot possibly cover his nakedness; conscience telleth him that by his very duties, he is so far from paying his old score, that he runneth further in debt: Alas, saith Conscience, thy very duties may damn thee; He who is of purer eyes then to behold iniquity, seeth a thousand holes in thy best coat; the holy God seeth sins enough in them to send thee into Hell for them. Canst thou, poor begger, with thy counterfeit farthings think to pay an infinite sum? Can thy poor finite performances satisfie infinite Justice for the violation of his righteous precepts? And for thy resolutions of better obedience, canst thou think that future obedience can satisfie for former disobedience? No, though thou couldst offer thousands of rams, and ten thousands of rivers of oil; nay, though the first-born of thy body; all these could no: be a propitiation for one of the least sins of thy soul; no, no, the redemption of a soul is more precious; for all these it must cease for ever.

Thus God ferrits the sinner out of all his Borows, and causeth the poor Prodigal, while he is wandring from his Father, to finde a famine in all the creatures. As a General that besiegeth a City, doth not onely play in upon it with his Cannons and Granadoes, but also secure the several passages, stop all provision that no relief can come to it, then they will yeild upon his terms: So when the Spirit besiegeth the soul, it often plyeth it hard with the batteries of the Law, and alwayes stoppeth relief from coming in, either from the world, or a mans own righteousness, and then, and not till then will the creature yeild upon the terms of the Gospel.

Fourthly, The Spirit convinceth him of the willingness, sutableness, and al-sufficiency of Jesus Christ to help and heal him.

The sinner now in his burning fit is very thirsty; like Hagar, he sits weeping, for his bottels are empty, and his creature comforts are found by experience to be broken cisterns which can hold no water, he knoweth not what to do; how can I see the death of my soul? thinks he. When the sinner is brought to this strait, the spirit of God openeth his eyes, to see a well of salvation, even Jesus who delivereth from the wrath to come.

The spirit discovereth to the sinner that though his wound be dangerous, because the God whom he hath provoked, is resolved, either to have his law satisfied, or his eternal wrath endured; yet that it is not desperate; for there is Balm in Gilead, and a Physitian in Israel that can heal his soul.

It convinceth him, that Christ is a sutable help, bread to the hungry, water to the thirsty, rest to the weary and heavy-laden; that he hath a precious salve made of his own blood, which is a proper and pecular remedy for his sores.

It convinceth him that Christ is an alsufficient help, that he can supply all the souls wants, be they never so many, and bear all the souls iniquities be they never so weighty, that he is able to save to the uttermost those that come unto God by him. * 1.7 It presenteth to the soul his fitness and fulness in regard of his natures, and offices, and the impossibility of his being unfaithful to this great work of saving poor sinners, for which he came into the world. It sheweth the sinner the infiniteness of Christs merits, and his omnipotency to help because he is God: the examples of other wounded diseased persons, who surrendred themselves, to the care of this Physitian and were cured; He shall convince the world of righteousness because I go to the father, and ye see me no more. John 16.9, 10. That is, the world shall be convinced that there is righteousness enough in me to satisfy both the law and law-giver, in that I shall appeare in my fathers presence, and that with acceptance: he would not send an Angel as his officer, to roll away the stone, and release the surety out of prison, the grave, and bring him before the Judge with so much credit and countenance, if the law were not satisfied, and the debt fully discharged. Heaven could never have held me; ye would have seen me upon earth again, if I had not done that work perfectly, which the Father gave me to do. He shall convince the world of righteousness, because I go to the father.

It convinceth him that Jesus Christ is exceeding willing to save poor sinners; that he is joyful that any will accept him for their Saviour; that he came from heaven to earth, was born meanly, lived miserably and died shamefully, meerly upon this errand, that he might seek and save them that are lost, that he inviteth him; to come to him and promiseth that he shall be welcom; that he calleth them that go from him, but casteth away none that come to him.

Thus when the prodigal is in a far country, and cannot fill his belly so much as with husks, that he is ready to perish for hunger, he is shewd and convinced that there is bread enough in his Fathers house. When the sinner is like the Israelite in the wilderness, beholding the curse of the law like the Egyptian behind him, and pursuing him hard, the red sea of divine wrath before him, into which he is hastening, his crimson and bloody sins like mountains on each side of him, incompassing him round, that he knoweth not what to do, then the spirit biddeth him look up to Jesus, and he shall see the salvation of God.

The third step which the spirit takes, is anhelation, to cause the soul of the convinced sinner, to breath and pant after Jesus Christ; breath is the first effect of life. Conviction hath emptied his stomach of creature confidence and self righteousness, made him poor in spirit, and O how hungry he is after the righteousness of Jesus Christ, the bread which came down from heaven! As the thirsty ground cleaves and opens for drops, as the heart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth his soul after Jesus Christ, God blessed for ever, (thinks he) O when shall I come and appear before him! His voice is (like Rachel) Give me children or I die; Give me the holy child Jesus or I die; or like Abraham, Lord, what wilt thou give me if I go childless? * 1.8 O what wilt thou give me if I go Christiess! or like the Jews to Philip, Sir, we would fain see Jesus. * 1.9 If the Angel should meet him, he might bespeake the soul as he did the woman, I know what thou seekest, thou seekest Jesus which was crucified. O the ardent desires, the vehement longings, the unutterable groans, which this poor creature hath after his Saviour! as David, he cryeth out, Who will give me to drink of the water of the well of Bethlehem! Where is that blessed guide, that can leade me, and help me to drink of the water of life!

Methinks I see how Jesus Christ presents himself to the eye of the dejected souls understanding, in all his glory and gallantry, in his sutableness unto the sinners indigencies, and sufficiency for all his necessities, with the freeness of his mercy, the fullness of his merits, and the sweetness of his love; how he appeares before the soul with all his retinue and train of graces, comforts, his blood, his spirit, the favour of God, freedom from sin, wrath, hell; on the one hand of him there stand his gracious promises of pardon, peace, adoption, sanctification, heart-chearing love, and everlasting life; On the other hand of him, there stands his precious precepts of self denyal, crucifying the flesh, walking after the Spirit, despising the sensual pleasures, honours, and profits of this world, and delighting in God, walking with him, having the conversation in heaven, and rejoycing in hope of glory. In the middle, there stands the fairest of ten thousands, adorned as a bridegroom with his richest attire, glistering with the jewels of those graces, with which his humanity is adorned, in a greater degree then the heavens could, though every star in it were a glorious sun; but O how the diamond of his deity sparkleth in the souls account, that millions of worlds would be but a muck-heap to it. Ah how lovely is he in the sinners eye! How infinitely ravishing to his heart! How blessed are those souls (thinks this sinner) that are interested in such a Saviour! Ʋnc•nceiveably, happy is that spouse which hath so beautiful, so accomplish’d, so lovely, so loving an husband; God is hers, earth is hers, heaven is hers, all is hers; holiness is her nature, and happiness is her joynture. O that I, O that I might be so blessed as to be called to the marriage supper of the Lamb! Who can expresse the vehement, violent longings of this man after Christ, as the loadstone of his affections, as the onely center of his soul, the proper remedy for all his maladies; had he the beauty of Absolom, the renown of Solomon, the wealth, the worth of the whole world, like the wise Merchant, he would sell all to buy this pearle of price, and think it the best bargain that ever he made; nothing is so dear to him but he will give it; nothing is so difficult but he will do or suffer for Christ; he is of the same mind with the Martyr, None but Christ, none but Christ. It is reported of a woman that was in these throws, that she should say, I have brought nine children into the world with as much pain as most women, yet I would bear them all over again, and bear them all my days for Christ.

There is mention made of a bird in Egypt, near Nilus, called the bird of Paradise, which they say, if it be once ensnared is unquiet, and mournful till she be delivered: so is this convinced sinner, now he feels himself entangled in the bonds of iniquity and snares of the Devil, he is unquiet till he be delivered. Talk to this man of his respect and friends, and riches in the world, they are as the white of an egg, or a dry chip without any savour, relish, or nourishment to him; but tell him of Jesus Christ, an able Surety to discharge all his debts, O that is the savory meat which his soul loveth; As a man that is sick and extreamly pained, when you talk to him of his calling or estate, he heareth not, he regardeth not; but tell him of one that can cure him of his disease, and ease him of his paine, then he will hearken to you; thus tis with this sinner; all his delight is in hearing of Christ, all his longing is to hear from Christ. The poor prisoner that is condemned to be hanged, and hath sent a messenger to sue for a pardon, never longed so much for his return with joyful news, as this poor creature for an interest in the Mediatour.

Thus the Spirit having convinced the soul of its beggery and nakedness, bondage and misery, causeth it to breathe and long after the riches, liberty and righteousness which is in Christ.

The fourth step is lamentation; the soul that breatheth after a Saviour, is truly broken for his sins; his groans after liberty are accompanied with grief for his slavery: Now the clouds gather and thicken over the soul, and fall down in tears; his sorrow under the conviction of his misery was legal, but now tis for his abuse of mercy, and so Evangelical. His heart before was as a cloud broken by a thunderbolt, being torn in pieces violently, and making a mighty noise; but now like the cloud melted by the shining of the Sun upon it, it dissolves down sweetly into a fruitful showre. * 1.10 He looked on sin before as twas damning, as that which would cast his soul and body into hell, but now he looks on sin as tis defiling, as that which makes him unlike to God, and as that by which he hath abused love and mercy; and the consideration of this warmeth his heart, and kindly thaweth it. The man hath now some small hope of mercy, and that, like the nearer approach of the Sun, softneth that earth which was hardned under the frost of legal terrors.

The pump of the sinners heart was dry, till the water of gospel grace, apprehended and hoped for, was poured in, and then it sendeth forth abundantly. He returneth now to God with supplication, weeping, and mourning; As Joseph, so this sinner seeketh for a place to weep in; He goeth into his chamber, falleth down before God, and poureth out his heart at his eyes and tongue; He accuseth, shameth, condemneth, abhorreth himself because of his sins: He doth not dissemble his birth, but acknowledgeth the pollution of his conception. Behold I was shapen in iniquity, * 1.11 and in sin did my mother conceive me; He confesseth the transgressions of his life, * 1.12 that he hath gone astray from the womb, that ever since he was able to go, he went astray: He acknowledgeth his transgressions, and is sorry for his sins; with Ephraim, he smites upon his thigh, saying, What have I done? with the Publican, he beats on his breast, crying out, God be merciful to me a sinner; With the Prodigal he is ashamed to look up to God, yet sighs out, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, and am unworthy to be called thy child. He throweth himself down at Gods feet, bemoaning himself thus, Lord, I am the greatest of sinners, less then the least of all thy mercies; I have defaced thine image, broken thy Laws, sinned against thy majesty; against thee, thee, I have sinned and done evil in thy sight; I have done the work of Satan thine enemy, and my wages is nothing but death; how thou pleasest to deal with thy worthless creature I know not, but however thou deal with me, thou art righteous, and I will lay my hand on my mouth; If thou say that thou hast no pleasure in me, •o here I am, do with me what seemeth good in thy sight; yet, O save my soul; ten thousand Hells are my portion; but if out of thy bottomless mercy thou shalt pluck my feet out of this bottomless misery, my soul shall admire thy free Grace, my tongue shall sing aloud of thy rich mercy; and O the obligations which this vile wretch shall have to be faithfully and uprightly serviceable to thy majesty!

His contrition runneth all along parallel with his confession; his heart worketh more then his lips and hands; his affections are much more self-abasing and humbling then his expressions; he seeth him whom he hath pierced, and mourneth; Calvary is a Bochim, a place of weeping to him; his eyes are so full, that though Christ be nigh him, yet like Mary, he cannot see him for tears; never fountain sent forth water more freely then this sinner doth godly sorrow; when he considereth what he hath done, how he hath sinned, what a God he hath greived, sorrow and grief overwhelm his spirit.
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The fifth step is implantation into Christ; the Spirit now leadeth the childe by the band unto Christ, nay, grafteth him into Christ. The soul being convinced of the necessity it stands in of Christ, of the endless misery which it must undergo without Christ, of the al-sufficiency that is in Christ, how willing, how able he is to binde up the broken heart, and to save the sinful soul, doth by the help of the Holy Ghost venture its self, and its everlasting estate up-Jesus Christ, resolving to stand or fall, live or die at his feet.

The sinner is now between hope and fear, not knowing how he shall fare. As the four Lepers that were shut out of the City in the famine of Samaria, considered with themselves, If we enter into the City, the famine is in the City, and we die there; * 1.13 and if we sit still here, we die also: Now therefore, come and let us fall into the Host of the Syrians, if they save us alive, we shall live; and if they kill us, we shall but die; and accordingly they went to the Syrians camp, found food there, and lived. So the sinner pondereth in his heart, If I go to the world, and the lying vanities thereof, I perish, vanity of vanities is written upon all its enjoyments, the famine is there, there is nothing that is bread, its whole shop cannot afford a plaister which can heal my wounded conscience; if I sit still in this condition under the weight of mine iniquities, I perish; they will unquestionable sink me into Hell; now therefore I will fall into the hands of the Lord Jesus; If he save my soul, I shall live; if he deny to receive such an unworthy wretch as I am, I shall but die, I can but perish, I will therefore venture; and accordingly the soul goeth to him, and findeth life in him; I have sometime thought, that when the sinner is come thus far, he carrieth himself much like Esther: When the King had made an irrevocable decree for the destruction of her self and people, what doth she do? she fasteth, and prayeth, and sendeth word to Mordecai, I will go in unto the King, which is not according to the Law, and if I perish, I perish, Esth. 4. ult. Thus the poor broken-hearted sinner, perceiving that the King of Kings hath made a Decree, That the soul that sinneth shall die eternally, and he is a grievous sinner, he fasteth, he mourneth, he prayeth, and at last resolveth; Well, I will go in unto the King, though it be not according to the Law (which shutteth me up under guilt and wrath) If I perish, I perish; possibly he may hold out the golden Scepter of Grace, and I may live in his sight; thus the poor creature goeth, maketh supplication believingly, and prevaileth.

The Devil now layeth all the blocks he can possibly in the souls way, to hinder its journey to Christ. As when the woman talked to her husband of going to the Prophet for the enlivening of her dead childe, he presently endeavoureth to disswade her, that ‘twould be to no purpose: Why wilt thou go, ’tis neither new moon nor Sabbath? but yet she went, and had her childe restored to life. Thus, To what purpose shouldst thou go to Christ? (saith the Devil to the penitent sinner) Canst thou think that so holy and righteous a God will have the least respect for such a wicked notorious hell-hound as thou art? I tell thee, he hath sent thousands, that never sinned as thou hast done, into Hell, and canst thou have any thoughts of Heaven? Thou hast done my work all thy dayes, and now lookest for a reward from God; No, no, Ile pay thee thy wages in blackness of darkness for ever; if thou hadst intended for life, thou shouldst have minded it sooner; thou hast dayes without number broken the Law, and many a time rejected the Gospel, and now ’tis too late; God called, and thou wouldst not hear; now thou mayst call long enough, for he will not hear thee; he tells thee as much with his own mouth, Prov. 1.25, to 32. Therefore thou mayst spare thy pains, and prayers, for all will be to no purpose; Surely, thou hast a impudent face, and a brazen forehead, to expect such choice blessings as pardon and life from that Christ whom thou hast persecuted in his people, rejected in his Laws, preferring the world and thy flesh before him, and daring him to his very face. Thus he that was the sinners tempter to those sins, turns his tormentor for them, and he that when the soul was posting to Hell, bid it not doubt of Heaven, doth, now the creature is creeping towards eternal life, perswade him, that ’tis impossible to escape eternal death: But notwithstanding these discouragements, the sinner will go to the great Prophet of the Church for the life of his dead soul; He thinks ‘Tis true, I am a grievous sinner, but I know that he is a gracious Saviour; I see nothing but misery and hell in me, but I see mercy and heaven in him; for my warrant, * 1.14 I have •his precept, Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy-laden; for my encouragement, I have his promise, I will give you rest; * 1.15 him that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out. I will therefore go what ever come of it, and lay my self at his feet; if he condemn me, and spurn me into Hell, Ile justifie him; peradventure he may lend me his hand, and raise me up with hope of Heaven; others have gone to him, and he hath bid them welcom. O the rings and robes, the kisses and embraces, which many returning Prodigals have had of him! who knoweth but he may be gracious to me! if he had not been willing that poor sinners should live, he would not have dyed; if he had been unwilling that I should come why doth he call me? Well, what ever come of it, I will go; it may be I may be hid in the day of the Lords wrath. Thus Faith at first standeth but on one weak foot.

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