Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.
~ 2 Corinthians 6:17-18
At the same time, saith the LORD, will I be the God of all the families of Israel, and they shall be my people.
~ Jeremiah 31:1
They shall come with weeping, and with supplications will I lead them: I will cause them to walk by the rivers of waters in a straight way, wherein they shall not stumble: for I am a father to Israel, and Ephraim is my firstborn.
~ Jeremiah 31:9
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater: So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
~ Isaiah 55:8-11
Fatherly Authority, by Richard Baxter. The following contains an excerpt from his work, “A Christian Directory”.
The principal thing requisite to the right governing of families is the fitness of the governors and the governed thereto…But if persons unfit for their relations have joined themselves together in a family, their first duty is to repent of their former sin and rashness, presently to turn to God, and seek after the fitness that is necessary to the right discharge of the duties of their several places. And in the governors of families, these three things are of greatest necessity hereunto: 1. Authority, 2. Skill, 3. Holiness and readiness of will.
I. General Direction: “Let governors maintain their authority in their families.” For if once that be lost and you are despised by those you should rule, your word will be of no effect with them. You do but ride without a bridle. Your power of governing is gone when your authority is lost. And here you must first understand the nature, use, and extent of your authority: for as your relations are different to your wife, your children, and your servants, so also is your authority. Your authority over your wife is but such as is necessary to the order of your family, the safe and prudent management of your affairs, and your comfortable cohabitation. The power of love and complicated interest must do more than magisterial commands. Your authority over your children is much greater; but only such as conjunct with love is needful to their good education and felicity…For the maintaining of this your authority, observe these following sub-directions.
Direction 1: “Let your family understand that your authority is of God, Who is the God of order, and that in obedience to Him, they are obliged to obey you.” There is no power but of God; and there is none that the intelligent creature can so much reverence as that which is of God. All bonds are easily broken and cast away (by the soul at least, if not by the body), which are not perceived to be divine. An enlightened conscience will say to ambitious usurpers, “God I know, and His Son Jesus I know, but who are ye?”
Direction 2: “The more of God appeareth upon you, in your knowledge, holiness, and unblamableness of life, the greater will your authority be in the eyes of all your inferiors that fear God.” Sin will make you contemptible and vile; holiness, being the image of God, will make you honorable. In the eyes of the faithful, a “vile person is contemned; but he honoureth them that fear the LORD” (Psa 15:4). “Righteousness exalteth a nation [and a person]: but sin is a reproach to any people” (Pro 14:34). Those that honor God, He will honor, and those that despise Him shall be lightly esteemed (1Sa 2:30). They that give up themselves to “vile affections” and conversations will seem vile when they have made themselves so (Rom 1:26). Eli’s “sons made themselves vile” by their sin (1Sa 3:13). I know men should discern and honor a person placed in authority by God, though they are morally and naturally vile; but this is so hard that it is seldom well done. And God is so severe against proud offenders that He usually punisheth them by making them vile in the eyes of others; at least when they are dead and men dare freely speak of them, their names will rot (Pro 10:7). The instances of the greatest emperors in the world—Persian, Roman, and Turkish—do tell us that, if (by whoredom, drunkenness, gluttony, pride, and especially persecution) they will make themselves vile, God, by uncovering their nakedness, will permit them to become the shame and scorn of men. And shall a wicked master of a family think to maintain his authority over others while he rebelleth against the authority of God?
Direction 3: “Show not your natural weakness by passions or imprudent words or deeds.” For if they think contemptuously of [you], a little thing will draw them further to despise your words. There is naturally in man so high an esteem of reason that men are hardly persuaded that they should rebel against reason to be governed (for order’s sake) by folly. They are very apt to think that rightest reason should bear rule. Therefore, any silly, weak expressions, or any inordinate passions, or any imprudent actions are very apt to make you contemptible in your inferiors’ eyes.
Direction 4: “Lose not your authority by a neglect of using it.” If you suffer children and servants but a little while to have the head, and to have, and say, and do what they will, your government will be but a name or image. A moderate course between a lordly rigor and a soft subjection or neglect of exercising the power of your place will best preserve you from your inferiors’ contempt.
Direction 5: “Lose not your authority by too much familiarity.” If you make your children and servants your playfellows or equals, and talk to them and suffer them to talk to you as your companions…they will scarce ever endure to be governed by you but will scorn to be subject where they have once been as equal.
II. General Direction: “Labor for prudenceand skillfulness in governing.” He that undertaketh to be a master of a family undertaketh to be their governor; it is no small sin or folly to undertake such a place as you are utterly unfit for when it is a matter of so great importance. You could discern this in a case that is not your own, as if a man undertook to be a schoolmaster who cannot read or write; or to be a physician, who knoweth neither diseases nor their remedies; or to be a pilot who cannot tell how to do a pilot’s work; and why cannot you much more discern it in your own case?
Direction 1: “To get the skill of holy governing, it is needful that you be well studied in the Word of God.” Therefore, God commandeth kings themselves to read in the law all the days of their lives (Deu 17:19), and that it depart not out of their mouths, but that they meditate in it day and night (Jos 1:8). And all parents must be able to teach it to their children and talk of it both at home and abroad, lying down and rising up (Deu 6:7). All government of men is but subservient to the government of God to promote obedience to His laws. And it is necessary that we understand the laws to which all laws and precepts must give place and subserve.
Direction 2: “Understand well the different tempers of your inferiors and deal with them as they are and as they can bear; and [do not deal] with all alike.” Some are more intelligent and some more dull; some are of tender and some of hardened dispositions. Some will be best wrought upon by love and gentleness; and some have need of sharpness and severity. Prudence must fit your dealings to their dispositions.
Direction 3: “You must put much difference between their different faults and accordingly suit your reprehensions.” Those must be most severely rebuked that have most willfulness and those that are faulty in matters of greatest weight. Some faults are so much through mere disability and unavoidable frailty of the flesh that there is but little of the will appearing in them. These must be more gently handled, as deserving more compassion than reproof. Some are habitual vices, and the whole nature is more desperately depraved than in others. These must have more than a particular correction. They must be held to such a course of life as may be most effectual to destroy and change those habits. And some there are upright at the heart and in the main and most momentous things are guilty but of some actual faults; and of these, some more seldom and some more frequent. If you do not prudently diversify your rebukes according to their faults, you will but harden them and miss of your ends: for there is a family justice that must not be overthrown, unless you would overthrow your families, as there is a more public justice necessary to the public good.
Direction 4: “Be a good husband to your wife, a good father to your children, and a good master to your servants: let love have dominion in all your government, so that your inferiors may easily find that it is their interest to obey you.” For interest and self-love are the natural rulers of the world. And to make men perceive that it is for their own good and to engage self-love for you is the most effectual way to procure obedience or any good that they may see that the benefit is like to be their own. If you do them no good but are sour, discourteous, and close-handed to them, few will be ruled by you.
Direction 5: “If you would be skillful in governing others, learn first exactly to command yourselves.” Can you ever expect to have others more at your will and government than yourselves? Is he fit to rule his family in the fear of God and a holy life who is unholy and feareth not God Himself? Or is he fit to keep them from passion, drunkenness, gluttony, lust, or any way of sensuality who cannot keep himself from it? Will not inferiors despise such reproofs that are by yourselves contradicted in your lives? You know this is true of wicked preachers; is it not as true of other governors?
III. General Direction: “You must be holy persons if you would be holy governors of your families.” Men’s actions follow the bent of their dispositions. They will do as they are. An enemy of God will not govern a family for God; nor an enemy of holiness (nor a stranger to it) set up a holy order in his house and in a holy manner manage his affairs. I know it is cheaper and easier to the flesh to call others to mortificationand holiness of life than to bring ourselves to it. Yet when it is not a bare command or wish that is necessary, but a course of holy and industrious government, unholy persons (though some of them may go far) have not the ends and principles which such a work requireth.
Direction 1: “To this end, be sure that your own souls be entirely subjected to God, and that you more accurately obey His laws than you expect any inferior should obey your commands.” If you dare disobey God, why should they fear disobeying you? Can you more severely revenge disobedience or more bountifully reward obedience than God can do? Are you greater and better than God Himself is?
Direction 2: “Be sure that you lay up your treasure in heaven and make the enjoyment of God in glory to be the ultimate commanding end both of the affairs and government of your family and all things else with which you are entrusted.” Devote yourselves and all to God, and do all for Him. Do all as passengers to another world, whose business on earth is but to provide for heaven and promote their everlasting interest. If thus you are separated unto God, you are sanctified. Then you will separate all that you have to His use and service, and this, with His acceptance, will sanctify all.
Direction 3: “Maintain God’s authority in your family more carefully than your own.” Your own is but for His. More sharply rebuke or correct them that wrong and dishonor God than those that wrong and dishonor yourselves. Remember Eli’s sad example: make not a small matter of any of the sins, especially the great sins, of your children or servants. It is an odious thing to slight God’s cause and put up all with “It is not well done,” when you are fiercely passionate for the loss of some small commodity of your own. God’s honor must be greatest in your family, and His service must have the preeminence of yours. Sin against Him must be the most intolerable offence.
Direction 4: “Let spiritual love to your family be predominant, let your care be greatest for the saving of their souls, and let your compassion be greatest in their spiritual miseries.” Be first careful to provide them a portion in heaven and to save them from whatsoever would deprive them of it. Never prefer the transitory pelf of earth before their everlasting riches. Never be so cumbered about many things as to forget that one thing is necessary: but choose for yourselves and them the better part (Luk 10:42).
Direction 5: “Let your family be neither kept in idleness and flesh-pleasing nor yet overwhelmed with such a multitude of business that shall take up and distract their minds, diverting and unfitting them for holy things.” Where God layeth on you a necessity of excessive labors, it must patiently and cheerfully be undergone. But when you draw them unnecessarily on yourselves for the love of riches, you do but become the tempters and tormentors of yourselves and others, forgetting the terrible examples of them that have this way fallen off from Christ and pierced themselves through with many sorrows (1Ti 6:10).
Direction 6: “As much as is possible, settle a constant order of all your businesses that every ordinary work may know its time, and confusion may not shut out godliness.” It is a great assistance in every calling to do all in a set and constant order. It maketh it easy. It removeth impediments and promoteth success. Distraction in your business causeth a distraction in your minds in holy duty. Some callings, I know, can hardly be cast into any order or method; but others may, if prudence and diligence be used. God’s service will thus be better done, and your work will be better done to the ease of your servants and quiet of your own minds. Foresight and skillfulness would save you abundance of labor and vexation.
It is indeed sad to see the almost universal disregard of this Fifth Commandment in our own day. It is one of the most arresting of the many “signs of the times.” Eighteen hundred years ago, it was foretold, “In the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemous, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection” (2Ti 3:1, 3). Unquestionably, the blame for most of this lies upon the parents, who have so neglected the moral and spiritual training of their children that (in themselves) they are worthy of neither respect nor honor. It is to be noted that the promise attached to the fulfillment of this commandment, as well as the command itself, is repeated in the New Testament (Eph 6:1, 3).—Arthur W. Pink
And verily, there is one spring and cause of the decay of Religion in our day, which we cannot but touch upon and earnestly urge a redress of; and that is the neglect of the worship of God in families by those to whom the charge and conduct of them is committed. May not the…omission of prayer and other duties of Religion in their families, together with the ill example of their loose conversation [behavior], have inured [hardened] them first to a neglect, and then contempt, of all piety and Religion?—London Baptist Confession of Faith 1689
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