Ye shall fear every man his mother, and his father, and keep my sabbaths: I am the LORD your God.
— Leviticus 19:3
Thou shalt keep therefore his statutes, and his commandments, which I command thee this day, that it may go well with thee, and with thy children after thee, and that thou mayest prolong thy days upon the earth, which the LORD thy God giveth thee, for ever.
— Deuteronomy 4:40
The Fifth Commandment, by Thomas Watson. The following contains an excerpt from his work on “The Ten Commandments”.
“Honor your father and your mother: that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God gives you.” Exodus 20:12
(5) The NATURAL father, the father of the flesh. Heb 12:9. Honor your natural father. This is so necessary a duty, that Philo the Jew placed the fifth commandment in the first table, as though we had not performed our whole duty to God until we had paid this debt of honor to our natural parents. Children are the vineyard of the parent’s planting, and honor done to the parent is some of the fruit of the vineyard.
II. Children are to show honor to their parents.
(1) Children are to show honor to their parents, by a reverential esteem of their persons. They must “give them a civil veneration.” Therefore, when the apostle speaks of fathers of our bodies, he speaks also of “giving them reverence.” Heb 12:9. This veneration or reverence must be shown:
(1) Inwardly, by fear mixed with love. “You shall fear every man his mother and his father.” Lev 19:3. In the commandment the father is named first—but here the mother is first named. Partly to put honor upon the mother, because, by reason of many weaknesses incident to her gender, she is apt to be more slighted by children. And partly because the mother endures more for the child.
(2) Reverence must be shown to parents outwardly, both in word and gesture.
In word: and that either in speaking to parents, or speaking of them. In speaking of parents, children must speak respectfully. In speaking of parents, children must speak honorably. They ought to speak well of them, if they deserve well. “Her children arise up, and call her blessed” (Prov 31:28); and, in case a parent betrays weakness and indiscretion, the child should make the best of it, and, by wise apologies, cover his parent’s nakedness.
In gesture. Children are to show reverence to their parents by submissive behavior, by uncovering the head, and bending the knee. Joseph, though a great prince, and his father had grown poor, bowed to him, and behaved himself as humbly as if his father had been the prince, and he the poor man. Gen 46:29. King Solomon, when his mother came to him, “rose off his throne, and bowed himself unto her.” 1 Kings 2:19. Among the Lacedemonians, if a child had carried himself arrogantly or saucily to his father, it was lawful for the father to appoint whom he would to be his heir. Oh, how many children are far from thus giving reverence to their parents! They despise their parents; they carry themselves with such pride and neglect towards them, that they are a shame to religion, and bring their parents’ grey hairs with sorrow to the grave. “Cursed be he who sets light by his father or his mother.” Deut 27:16. If all who set light by their parents are cursed, how many children in our age are under a curse! If such as are disrespectful to parents live to have children, their own children will be thorns in their sides—and God will make them read their sins in their punishment.
(2) Children are to show honor to their parents, by careful obedience. “Children, obey your parents in all things.” Col 3:20. Our Lord Jesus herein set a pattern to children. He was subject to his parents. Luke 2:51. He to whom angels were subject—was subject to his parents. This obedience to parents is shown three ways:
(1) In hearkening to their counsel, “Hear the instruction of your father, and forsake not the law of your mother.” Prov 1:8. Parents are, as it were, in the place of God; if they would teach you the fear of the Lord, you must listen to their words as oracles, and not be as the deaf adder to stop your ears. Eli’s sons hearkened not to the voice of their father—but were called “sons of Belial.” 1 Sam 2:12, 25. And as children must hearken to the counsel of their parents in spiritual matters, so in affairs which relate to this life as in the choice of a vocation, and in case of entering into marriage. Jacob would not dispose of himself in marriage, though he was forty years old, without the advice and consent of his parents. Gen 28:1, 2. Children are, as it were, the parents’ proper goods and possession, and it is great injustice in a child to give herself away without the parents’ permission. If parents should indeed counsel a child to match with one that is impious or Popish, I think the case is plain, and many of the learned are of opinion that here the child may have a negative voice, and is not obliged to be ruled by the parent. Children are to “marry in the Lord;” not, therefore, with impious people, for that is not to marry in the Lord. 1 Cor 7:39.
(2) Obedience to parents is shown in complying with their commands. A child should be the parents’ echo; when the father speaks, the child should echo back obedience. The Rechabites were forbidden by their father to drink wine; and they obeyed him, and were commended for it. Jer 35:14. Children must obey their parents in all things. Col 3:20. In things against the grain, to which they have most reluctance, they must obey their parents. Esau would obey his father, when he commanded him to fetch him venison, because it is probable he took pleasure in hunting; but refused to obey him in a matter of greater concernment, in the choice of a wife. But though children must obey their parents “in all things,” yet “it is with the limitation of things just and honest.” “Obey in the Lord,” that is, so far as the commands of parents agree with God’s commands. Eph 6:1. If they command against God, they lose their right of being obeyed, and in this case we must unchild ourselves.
(3) Honor is to be shown to parents in relieving their needs. Joseph nourished his father in his old age. Gen 47:12. It is but paying a just debt. Parents brought up children when they were young, and children ought to nourish their parents when they are old. The young storks, by an instinct of nature, bring food to the old ones when, by reason of age, they are not able to fly. Pliny calls it “a law of the storks.” The memory of Aeneas was honored for carrying his aged father out of Troy when it was on fire. I have read of a daughter, whose father being condemned to be starved to death, who gave him in his prison suck with her own breasts; which, being known to the governors, procured his freedom. Such children, or monsters shall I say, are to blame who are ashamed of their parents when they are old and fallen into decay; and when they ask for bread give them a stone. When houses are shut up, we say the plague is there; when children’s hearts are shut up against their parents, the plague is there. Our blessed Savior took great care for his mother. When on the cross, he charged his disciple John to take her home to him as his mother, and see that she lacked nothing. John 19:26, 27.
III. The reasons why children should honor their parents are:
(1) It is a solemn command of God, “Honor your father,” etc. As God’s Word is the rule, so his will must be the reason of our obedience.
(2) They deserve honor, in respect of the great love and affection which they bear to their children; and the evidence of that love both in their care and cost. Their care in bringing up their children is a sign their hearts are full of love to them. Parents often take more care of their children than for themselves. They take care of them when they are tender, lest, like young fruit, they should be nipped in the bud. As children grow older, the care of parents grows greater. They are afraid of their children falling when young, and of worse than falls when they are older. Their love is evidenced by their cost. 2 Cor 12:14. They lay up and they lay out for their children; and are not like the raven or ostrich, which are cruel to their young. Job 39:16. Parents sometimes impoverish themselves to enrich their children. Children never can equal a parent’s love, for parents are the instruments of life to their children, and children cannot be so to their parents.
(3) To honor parents is well pleasing to the Lord. Col 3:20. As it is joyful to parents, so it is pleasing to the Lord. Children! is it not your duty to please God? In honoring and obeying your parents, you please God as well as when you repent and believe. And that you may see how well it pleases God, he bestows a reward upon it. “That your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” Jacob would not let the angel go until he had blessed him; and God would not part with this commandment until he had blessed it.
Paul calls this, the first commandment with promise. Eph 6:2. The second commandment has a general promise to mercy; but this is the first commandment that has a particular promise made to it. Long life is mentioned as a blessing. “You shall see your children’s children.” Psalm 128:6. It was a great favor of God to Moses that, though he was a hundred and twenty years old, he needed no spectacles: “His eye was not dim, nor his natural force abated.” Deut 34:7. God threatened it as a curse to Eli, that there should not be an old man in his family. 1 Sam 2:31. Since the flood, life is much abbreviated and cut short: to some the womb is their tomb; others exchange their cradle for their grave; others die in the flower of their youth; death serves its warrant every day upon one or other. Now, when death lies in ambush continually for us, if God satisfies us with long life, saying (as in Psalm 91:16), “With long life will I satisfy him;” it is to be esteemed a blessing. It is a blessing when God gives a long time to repent, and a long time to do service, and a long time to enjoy the comforts of relations. Upon whom is this blessing of long life entailed—but obedient children? “Honor your father, that your days may be long.”
Nothing sooner shortens life, than disobedience to parents. Absalom was a disobedient son, who sought to deprive his father of his life and crown; and he did not live out half his days. The mule he rode upon, being weary of such a burden, left him hanging in the oak between heaven and earth, so as not fit to tread upon the one, or to enter into the other. Obedience to parents spins out the life. Nor does obedience to parents lengthen life only—but sweetens it. To live long, and not to have a foot of land, is a misery; but obedience to parents settles land of inheritance upon the child. “Have you but one blessing, O my father,” said Esau. Behold, God has more blessings for an obedient child than one; not only shall he have a long life—but a fruitful land: and not only shall he have land—but land given in love, “the land which the Lord your God gives you.” You shall have your land not only with God’s leave—but with his love. All these are powerful arguments to make children honor and obey their parents.
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